Funny of the Week

After a hard week’s work, these funny headlines are good for a laugh, but they are a mere warm-up for the stories that follow.

Actual Newspaper Headlines


  1. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
  2. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  3. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  4. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  5. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  6. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  7. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  8. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  9. Farmer Bill Dies in House
  10. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  11. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  12. Stud Tires Out
  13. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  14. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  15. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  17. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  18. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  19. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  21. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  22. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  23. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  24. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  25. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

This Smells Odd

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he’d ever had.

A Little Gas

A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the
Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a “four-legged
flame-thrower” and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP

Check It Out

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in
March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn’t need a warrant because a “bulge” in Christopher’s
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

 

This week’s laughs were lifted from http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/funny_news.html

Live your purpose every day.

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2 thoughts on “Funny of the Week

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