Funny Business in the Office

Stock broker hard at work

The business world has its moments of hilarity. These are true examples of idiocy from job applications and resumes, again from “Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes,” http://www.guy-sports.com/index.htm. Go head, laugh yourself silly.

Funny Gaffs from Real Job Applications

1.   I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

2.   Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

3.   As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

4.   Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

5.   Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘ job-hopping’ . I have never quit a job.

6.   Marital status: often. Children: various.

7.   Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.

8.   The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

9.   Finished eighth in my class of ten.

10.   References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

Extracts from Funny Resumes

1.   I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2.   I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.

3.   I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4.   Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

5.   Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

6.   Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

7.   It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

8.   Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

9.   You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

10.   Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

11.   I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

12.   Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

13.   I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14.   I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.

15.   I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16.   My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

 

Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day!

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Funny Business in the Office

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s