The business world has its moments of hilarity. These are true examples of idiocy from job applications and resumes, again from “Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes,” http://www.guy-sports.com/index.htm. Go head, laugh yourself silly.
Funny Gaffs from Real Job Applications
1. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
2. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
3. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
4. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
5. Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘ job-hopping’ . I have never quit a job.
6. Marital status: often. Children: various.
7. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.
8. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
9. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
10. References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
Extracts from Funny Resumes
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.
3. I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
5. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day!