Friday Funnies

Details of the "bikini girls" mosaic...
Details of the “bikini girls” mosaic at Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, 4th century AD. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today is blonde-joke day. I don’t know why blonde jokes were invented. Maybe everyone else is jealous because blondes have more fun and they want blondes to pay the price. Or maybe people just like stupid-funny. Stupid can be funny. Enjoy.

This one was emailed to me from a friend.

The Milkman and the Blonde

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.  She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.  He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.  So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.   Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “No, I want 25 gallons.  I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my neck. I can splash it on my eyes.”

The following are from:  http://www.coolblondejokes.com/FunnyJokes/FirstClassBlonde.shtml

Blonde’s Diary

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..duh…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months. Box said 2-4 years!

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later other swimmers cheated. They used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm. Car swamped because top was down.

September – The capital ofCaliforniais “C,” isn’t it?

October – Hate M & Ms…they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 ½ days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound, and I weigh 108!!!

December – Couldn’t call 911….duh….there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!!!

What a year!

Blonde on a Plane

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first-class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit, and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit, and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.

The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly goes back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two; one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around.

Speeding Ticket

A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walked up the blonde and said, “Excuse me, ma’am, could I see your driver’s license and registration?”

The blonde gave the policeman an angry look and said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!”

Non-blonde Joke, but just as stupid:

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.  At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE,

JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S.

IT SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

I hope these jokes made you smile.

P.S. Don’t miss the ones at the links below.

Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day.

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