It’s obvious that I haven’t been posting regularly for quite a while. I came to a place as I’d been writing about how to create your magnificent life where I realized something was missing in my own life.
Even though I’d been working with it for a long time, I hadn’t yet manifested the level of abundance that I desired. I knew that my abundance issues were the outward manifestation of a lack of understanding, and it was time to find out what was happening within me.
It is my practice to go within when confronted with frustration or stress, and I knew that I was in for a particularly meaningful adventure this time. I got out my Chaldean Soul Chart and realized that my feelings of anger and frustration were related to my Main Challenge, the number 1, the challenge of unworthiness. The knot in my stomach told me there were levels of this challenge that I hadn’t addressed. That was when I learned that issues with money aren’t about money. I made a commitment to heal the limiting beliefs that were holding me back.
Because I wanted fast and thorough results, I started using all the quick self-help techniques I knew; powerful processes that go straight to the soul. I found layers and layers of fear and self-doubt I hadn’t been consciously aware of. There were nights I’d wake up unable to go to back to sleep, in a state of high anxiety, picturing doomsday visions of my future, nearly overwhelmed by grief and sadness about my past. I found myself engaged in a post-graduate course in “We Teach what We Need to Learn.” It was my dark night of the soul.
I know everyone comes to their own dark night of the soul sooner or later in life. Possibly more than once. I am in good company on that score. We avoid the disturbing thoughts and feelings of our so-called weaknesses as long as possible, and then it isn’t possible to hide from them any more. Some symptoms of our disturbance are depression, irritability, change in eating habits (too much/not enough), sleeplessness, reliance on mind-altering substances to get us through the day, discontent with our lifestyle, and a free-floating stressfulness that never seems to let up.
We are afraid to face our demons for any number of reasons. We have learned that disturbance is bad and can only lead to bad things happening. On some level that was true for me, despite the training and wisdom of my psychotherapist self. However, something happened within me that overrode my reluctance. I’ll never forget that moment. I was feeling extreme frustration about life and anger at myself. These emotions grew to such a state they propelled me through my fear and landed me in the middle of such a strong determination to change my life I couldn’t have resisted if I’d wanted to.
The dam had broken and I was free. I knew it would be a rough ride down that river, but I didn’t care. I remembered what I teach about challenges – they are a gold mine of information that can liberate us if we are willing to see them in a new light.
It was a turbulent journey, but I held on for dear life and gradually came to calm waters. During this time of deep self-discovery I lived my life as usual except for three things; I stopped writing, stopped trying to market my e-book, and let up significantly on social media. I wanted to be sure about what I was doing with my life. I wanted to share more authentically from my heart, and I wanted life to be easy. If I was going to write I wanted it to be fun and fulfilling. I wanted to feel my creative juices flowing, to feel as if I was contributing the best I have. I needed to find out if I wanted to continue teaching and sharing.
As I released limiting beliefs, life became easier. I was worrying less and enjoying life more. I was learning to live my way with less concern about approval from others. I started writing again, allowing my inner guidance to help me. I’m rewriting my e-book to be published in print with even more information that I hope will help people in a deeper, more profound way. I’ve learned to let go of mundane, but nevertheless important, concerns like finding the time to do what I love, knowing that things always work out for me. I’m learning what in life is most important to me. I’m learning to create the life of my dreams on a deeper level.
I began to pay more attention to spiritual teachers who inspire me. I learned that there is a most important step after releasing limiting beliefs and resolving issues. It’s something that every spiritual master teaches – practice new self-affirming habits. I now acknowledge the change within me by consistently practicing the habit of thinking differently; to visualize every day my dazzling new life, to remember that I am a dynamic co-creator with spirit by speaking words to myself that express only the truth about myself. And the truth is never demeaning or critical but always positive and affirming, as it is with you.
I’m now doing what I love to do without needing to control outcomes, enjoying the process, knowing that all is well. I love the adventure of every day. I appreciate the beauty all around me. I still get angry and frustrated from time to time, but these emotions are fleeting. Because they are not connected to the limiting beliefs I’ve released, I can deal with them more easily and let them go quickly without compromising my sense of self-worth.
Don’t be afraid of your dark night of the soul. It’s a good thing. You just have to be willing to see it as a golden opportunity to allow yourself a new level of freedom. In my next post I’ll share with you the processes that helped me release my limiting beliefs, including one that works instantly.
Please share your experiences with this dark phenomenon in the comments below. Your experiences can inspire other people you will never meet. What did you learn? What are your questions? I reply to all. Thank you for sharing.