Tag Archives: Business

Funny Business in the Office

Stock broker hard at work

The business world has its moments of hilarity. These are true examples of idiocy from job applications and resumes, again from “Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes,” http://www.guy-sports.com/index.htm. Go head, laugh yourself silly.

Funny Gaffs from Real Job Applications

1.   I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

2.   Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

3.   As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

4.   Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

5.   Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘ job-hopping’ . I have never quit a job.

6.   Marital status: often. Children: various.

7.   Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.

8.   The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

9.   Finished eighth in my class of ten.

10.   References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.

Extracts from Funny Resumes

1.   I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2.   I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.

3.   I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4.   Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

5.   Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

6.   Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

7.   It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

8.   Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.

9.   You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

10.   Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

11.   I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

12.   Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.

13.   I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

14.   I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.

15.   I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

16.   My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

 

Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day!

The Secret to Success

Happy Party People Toasting Cheers Holding Cha...
Image by Pink Sherbet Photography via Flickr

No, really, I’m going to share with you the secret to success. It’s in the video in the link below. I was so impressed with it I had to share it with you.

It’s the most common-sense success presentation I have ever seen. It’s short and sweet, and it’s as old as history.

Listen to business expert, John Spence, talking about your life purpose. As he uses the language of the business world, listen as he speaks about spiritual principles and think about yourself as a spiritual being with exciting opportunities in the physical world.

You may have already seen this video. If so, look at it again. You can’t see it too many times.

Go ahead. Enjoy and learn.

Oh, and here’s his definition of success.

Me? An Entrepreneur?

Jumper

Yes, I have started several business and have been disappointed in all but one. The reason I was disappointed was because I started them to make money. Nothing wrong with that. People do it all the time, and some are very successful. But I am not good at that. I have to love what I'm doing in order to stay interested and not be scared to death I'm going to fail.

The only business that fulfills me is helping people achieve their full potential. I love helping people get started on the road to fulfillment. As for the money, I feel most comfortable when I see it is a natural outcome of the thing I love to do. If I put money first, I lose my inspiration. My heart isn't in it. I guess I'm not motivated by money, although I love to receive money and I love to spend it. For me, money is a fair exchange for services rendered.

There's a book that's been around for a long time called, "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow." It's true.

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