A little spiritual humor today … and some brilliant plays on words for you.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”
One of my favorite foolish persons is Swami Beyondananda, and if you are not familiar with him, you need to be. So I am performing a public service by introducing you to the Swami. This quote from him says it all.
“Joy is the Bottom Line: Underneath all the stress, distress and negativity in life, there is an deep well of joy. Each time healing laughter bubbles up from that well, we experience deep wellness.”
– Swami Beyondananda
10 Funny and Humorous Comments Made By Arresting Constables, Allegedly
1. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog.
2. Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
3. Life’s tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
4. No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
5. Just how big were those two beers?
6. The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
7. If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.
8. So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, eh?
9. Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
10. In God we trust, all others are suspects.
10 Bungling Burglar Stories
1. Investigating a purse snatching in Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief’s description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an ID. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, ‘Yeah, that’s the woman I robbed.’
2. In Nashville, they tell of a burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
3. In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran……but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner knocked him to the ground and called the police.
4. In Rhode Island, police were sure they had the right man when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.
5. Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. He said he’d stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.
6. In Lawrence, Kansas, officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes.
7. In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid ID. in a “Seven-Eleven” robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said “Cedar Woods Apartments” and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front.
8. Two robbers in Michigan, USA, entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
9. A robber, in a town in Germany, was caught after he escaped with his swag but he left his trousers behind. Police successfully arrested him at a railway station trying to board a train in his underpants. You couldn’t invent these funny occurrences.
10. A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal in Adelaide, Australia.
You can tell by the name of the site that Will and Guy are English. But that’s okay, because some of these jokes are actually funny (sorry Brits, but sometimes we just don’t get your humor).
Here is what Will and Guy have to say about Engrish.
Engrish is the name for the occidental writing which appears on Japanese signs. The companies, or their sign writers, wish to give a product cachet, but the result is a funny English phrase. To the Japanese readers, the Engrish words are meaningless since most speak English about as well as most westerners speak Japanese. Little do they know that the English translation has a fatal flaw.
And there you have your Engrish lesson for the week. Have a great weekend!
P.S. Sorry about the terrible formatting (this part was supposed to be at the bottom). I need someone who knows how to do this stuff.