Tag Archives: funny stuff

Friday Funnies

Bhikku Bodhi, an American Buddhist monk.
Bhikku Bodhi, an American Buddhist monk. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A little spiritual humor today … and some brilliant plays on words for you.

Monk Joke

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”

The Swami

One of my favorite foolish persons is Swami Beyondananda, and if you are not familiar with him, you need to be. So I am performing a public service by introducing you to the Swami. This quote from him says it all.

“Joy is the Bottom Line: Underneath all the stress, distress and negativity in life, there is an deep well of joy. Each time healing laughter bubbles up from that well, we experience deep wellness.”
– Swami Beyondananda

Visit the Swami today and get Absurdified.

Live your purpose every day – and have a great weekend!

Friday Funnies

First, Anti-gravity

The science-based portion of our program – groaners all, but too silly to pass up.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Q: How do you identify a gefilte fish in the ocean?
A: By the carrots on its back.

The following were lifted from Jupiter Scientific http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/sciencejokes.html

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.

Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.

There is a sign in Munich that says, “Heisenberg might have slept here.”

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle says “You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.”

Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

Science Cat Speaks.

Advice from Science Cat

Final Words from Science Cat

Final Words from Science Cat

Finally, Sunday is April Fools Day

Here are a couple of winners from April Fools Day on the Web 2011:

And remember …..

Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day!

Funny Police Stuff

Deutsch: Polizeihauptmeister MZ (mit Zulage) a...
Image via Wikipedia

10 Funny and Humorous Comments Made By Arresting Constables, Allegedly

1.  The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog.
2.  Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
3.  Life’s tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
4.  No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
5.  Just how big were those two beers?
6.  The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
7.  If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.
8.  So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, eh?
9.  Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
10.  In God we trust, all others are suspects.

10 Bungling Burglar Stories

1.  Investigating a purse snatching in Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief’s description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an ID. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, ‘Yeah, that’s the woman I robbed.’
2.  In Nashville, they tell of a burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
3.  In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran……but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner knocked him to the ground and called the police.
4.  In Rhode Island, police were sure they had the right man when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.
5.  Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. He said he’d stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.
6.  In Lawrence, Kansas, officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes.
7.  In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid ID. in a “Seven-Eleven” robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said “Cedar Woods Apartments” and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front.
8.  Two robbers in Michigan, USA, entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
9.  A robber, in a town in Germany, was caught after he escaped with his swag but he left his trousers behind. Police successfully arrested him at a railway station trying to board a train in his underpants. You couldn’t invent these funny occurrences.
10.  A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal in Adelaide, Australia.

These amusing nuggets were lifted from Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes.

Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day.

P.S. Be sure to read the related article below for more laughs and some warm, fuzzy feelings.

Friday Funnies – Engrish

Tron Guy & Tikva

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Victor Borge.

I love this quote!

I found a site that has only clean jokes on it. It is called:

 Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes

Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes, Short Stories and Amusing Pictures

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/pictures/picture_engrish_japanese.htm

 You can tell by the name of the site that Will and Guy are English. But that’s okay, because some of these jokes are actually funny (sorry Brits, but sometimes we just don’t get your humor).

Here is what Will and Guy have to say about Engrish.

 Engrish is the name for the occidental writing which appears on Japanese signs.  The companies, or their sign writers, wish to give a product cachet, but the result is a funny English phrase.  To the Japanese readers, the Engrish words are meaningless since most speak English about as well as most westerners speak Japanese.  Little do they know that the English translation has a fatal flaw.

And there you have your Engrish lesson for the week. Have a great weekend!

P.S. Sorry about the terrible formatting (this part was supposed to be at the bottom). I need someone who knows how to do this stuff.

 Live your purpose every day.

 

Two Laughs and A Wonderment

Friday Funny Animals 8
Friday Funny Animals 8 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

You will be glad you took a couple of minutes out of your busy day to watch these videos.

My technical in-expertise prevents me from fancying up this page with hyperlinks. So just click on the links for some good laughs and an awesome performance.

This teacher did what so many of us would love to do. Aggravation can be a wonderful thing.

http://failblog.org/2012/01/28/epic-fail-saturday-rewind-answering-your-phone-in-class-fail/?fromVidWidget

If you have never seen a singing donkey, you will love this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6Aui2TKucUg

Just beautiful …..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3w-C4S5K4xc

Oh, and click on “P is for Parrot” below.

Have a happy Friday and a wonderful weekend!

Live your purpose every day.

Stupid Stuff

july09 hairdo left
Image by kate at yr own risk via Flickr

Everybody loves a laugh, and sometimes stupid stuff fills the bill. This is just a taste from http://funny-stuff-central.com/advrtize.php. There’s lots more there.

 

 

Crazy Classifieds – they never should have made it to print, but we’re glad they did.

 

                         NEWBURY STREET COIFFURE
                                   AFFORDABLE
                        An Alternative to Looking Good.

Lost:  small apricot poodle.  reward. Neutered.  Like one of the family.

     *  A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine foods expertly served by  waitresses in apetizing forms.

     *  Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

     *  For sale:  antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large    
        drawers.

     *  For sale:  a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie  
        chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

     *  Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.

     *  Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair  to take home, too!

     *  Wanted:   50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

     *  Wanted:  Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

     *  We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by  hand.

     *  No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent