A couple of weeks ago I had an expensive lesson in trusting myself. It is still playing like a movie in my mind. I see a big billboard with the words, TRUST YOURSELF!, in huge letters which consume its entire surface. I am through kicking myself about it and am now left with a dumb-struck sense of wonder at how I let it happen. I came to the conclusion that my spirit guides decided I needed a lesson I would never forget. Here’s what happened.
I was sitting in my car at a red light, peacefully waiting for it to change to green when the car behind me slammed into my car (whose name is Jane, by the way). Although the impact sent me ricocheting forward, then back, it was not enough to hurt me. Jane, however, suffered cosmetic and structural damage. She is at her spa right now, receiving treatment.
A few seconds after impact, before I had a chance to think about it, the driver of the other car was at my window saying that we should pull into a nearby side street so as not to block traffic. I knew this was a mistake, but as he pulled his car up beside mine, I followed him.
To make a long story short, I allowed him to take over the situation and ended up with nothing more than a name, address, and phone number taken from his strange-looking insurance card. After not hearing from his insurance company for several days, I contacted them and found out his insurance had expired several months ago.
I did some research and found that the phone number he gave me belongs to someone else, the address is not his, and his name is nowhere to be found. Clearly, the man is a phony. Now my insurance company is paying for the damage, I am paying the deductible, and I am grateful for the coverage.
My sense is that my insurance company will never find this man, but I could be wrong. What I am sure of is that, all through my exchange with this person, I knew he was lying and I didn’t challenge him.
I could blame Mercury, which was retrograde at the time; confused souls influencing me; lack of self-confidence; or all kinds of other things; but in spite of anything else, I knew. My inner knowing was right there, hollering at me, through the whole experience.
You have inner knowing, too. When it is hollering at you over the chaos of life, listen and act on it. Otherwise, you could have an expensive lesson, yourself.
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife.”
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, and his wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!” she had a shoe box with her, and she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”
“I sure did, “said the wife.”I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.”
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk and fell on the curb. Sluggishly, he got up and tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyzer test, to which he readily agreed.
The reading was 0.0%. The policeman said, “How can this be?”
The man replied, “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for backup. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver’s license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
A Father’s Pain
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and “kick it up a notch.”
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.
Have a great weekend, and live your purpose every day!